The writer faced the raw challenge: “Naked plurals.” It sounded like a grammatical dare and a party invitation with a dress code marked optional. The phrase alone was enough to make a dictionary’s spine tingle.
At first, the writer kept things strictly plural… two nouns, side by side, barely touching. Hands and eyes. Glances and smiles. Just enough proximity for a little subject-verb agreement. Naked plurals, exposed, but never improper.
But soon, the writer’s sentences started mingling in the margins. Consonants collided, vowels overlapped, and before long, dangling participles were swinging free—not this clause, not that phrase, just loose ones everywhere. Naked plurals, letting their modifiers show.
The story’s syntax loosened up. Pronouns swapped partners, tenses slipped in and out, and punctuation marks found themselves in positions that would make a semicolon blush. The writer watched as verbs conjugated with abandon… sometimes regular, sometimes irregular, always enthusiastic.
Paragraphs pressed closer, forming compound sentences that ran on and on, breathless with anticipation. Parentheses opened wide, eager to enclose a little extra action. Ellipses trailed off, leaving room for interpretation, while exclamation points stood at attention.
By now, the narrative was a playground of plural possibilities. Double meanings danced across the page… split infinitives, nested clauses, prepositions tangled in the sheets of syntax. Naked plurals, frolicking in every line, refusing to be contained by a single subject.
And just when it seemed the story couldn’t possibly fit in another entendre, the writer delivered a final, perfectly placed period.
Not one ending. Not one reader.
Just endings. Just readers.
Naked plurals, satisfied… leaving the dictionary in need of a cold shower. Period
Author’s Note:
This started as a straightforward challenge: “Write something about naked plurals.” Naturally, I took that to mean remove all clothing and run wild through the grammar garden.
What followed was grammatical burlesque… a celebration of unbound clauses, uninhibited subjects, and plurals with nothing to hide. Somewhere between the semicolon’s blush and the dangling participles, I lost track of whether I was diagramming a sentence or flirting with it.
If you’re here for technical accuracy, please see Appendix A (not included).
If you’re here for plural mischief… welcome. Mind the ellipses.
Now as always, I need a coffee and maybe a cigarette…
裸の複数形：作家のチャレンジ
作家の前に現れたお題は「裸の複数形」。まるで文法の度胸試し、もしくは“服装自由”なパーティーの招待状みたいな響き。そんなフレーズだけで、辞書も背筋がゾクッとしそう。
最初は、作家もきっちり複数形を守っていた。名詞が2つ、そっと並んでいるだけ。手と目。視線と笑顔。主語と動詞の同意もギリギリOK。裸の複数形、見せてはいるけど決して下品じゃない。
でも、だんだん文がはみ出し始める。子音がぶつかり、母音が重なり、気づけば分詞があちこちでぶら下がっている。「この節じゃない。あのフレーズでもない。ぶらぶら揺れる分詞たち。」裸の複数形、修飾語まで丸見え。
文の構造もゆるくなってきた。代名詞はパートナーをチェンジ、時制は行ったり来たり、句読点は思わず赤面するようなポジションに。動詞は自由奔放に活用し始める。規則変化も不規則変化も、とにかくノリノリ。
段落同士もぐっと近づいて、複文が息切れしそうなほど続いていく。カッコは大きく開いて、ちょっとした裏話も包み込む。三点リーダーは余韻を残し、感嘆符はピシッと決めポーズ。
気づけば、文章全体が複数形の遊園地。ダブルミーニングが踊り、分裂不定詞や入れ子の節、前置詞は文法のシーツで絡まり放題。裸の複数形、どこまでも自由で、単数主語には収まりきらない。
そして、もうこれ以上は無理！というところで、作家は完璧なピリオドを打つ。
終わりはひとつじゃない。読者もひとりじゃない。
いくつもの終わり。数えきれない読者。
裸の複数形、満足げに辞書を冷や汗まみれにして去っていく。ピリオド。
作者メモ：
これは、バスルームの鏡に口紅で書いた文法へのラブレター。ユーモア満点、ちょっぴりセクシーな文法ショータイム。文法をここまで楽しくできる人、なかなかいません。もし同じトーンのエッセイを集めるなら、これが章のトップを飾れるはず。
シリーズ化や続編のアイデアも、いつでもお手伝いします！
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